i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm both gender and math confused
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
