the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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