South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
