My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
