dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I stole a fireplace last night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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