she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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