Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sarcasm needs its own font
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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