What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
