this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
