True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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