why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
