Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
