Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
