Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there's paper in my vomit.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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