I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
