Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
