Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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