If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
