guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
3pm strippers are depressing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
