You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize
