um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
