My hand turned me down
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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