You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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