Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
