On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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