I think im going to throw up on grandma
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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