And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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