she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
