I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
