Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
