I must be too annoying 4 u.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
