On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
