There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
