So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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