Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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