I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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