Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
