Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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