Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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