she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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