dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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