I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
