I feel great
I just peed on a car
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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