Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she told me i tasted like america
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
