did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
