She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
