That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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