can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we're so committed to being not committed
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
