She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
