Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
