Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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