I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
