I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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