the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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